Friday, April 3, 2009

Nice movie!

Yesterday i saw a very nice movie'constant gardener,' a beautiful one indeed. Caught it somewhere in middle, it is about the P harma companies using African countries as a dumping ground for drugs which are past their expiry date. The nexus uses the small children and poor people like guinea -pig. The scenes with children being caught and women being shot down while the war lords raid the villages is terrifying. I could not believe that such barberic ways of intimidation and crushing underprivelaged humans existed. The hero-husband of a woman who wanted to uncover this nexus is also shot in the end. A beautiful movie, it is a shame that even today our world has such ruled and ruler classes who consider other races as inferior animals to be used and abused in such a light manner. Drugs that save lives in first world are tested on the thousands of lives of thirld world or a world beyond that if there exists one. The most funny bit is that all this sham comes under the garb of 'aid' and humanitarian grants from the developed nations to the developing nations. At this i shudder that we in India too were slaves of the British when the sun did never set on'the British Empire.'At this moment i am also grateful to my grand father who gave his life fighting for Independence, never caring for his own family and subsisting on grass in woods. Thanks Grandfather that you fought for truth, for the Democracy where we cannot be herded like animals and killed for pleasure.

The story contd...

Jaya did not feel alive today no matter what she did she felt a dead weight inside her. When she could take it any more she locked her bedroom door and fell on the bed like a log. Her body shuddering with sobs, she cried her heart out like a little girl. When she came to her seses she decided to call Krisna.She looked for her diary, her mind hazy she dropped all books on the floor as she absentmindedly rummmaged the table for her phone book. When she found it she found it difficult to focus her attention. She dialed wrong numbers thrice before she got through to Krisna."Krisna this is Jaya i want to speak to you Krisna"there was silence on the other end, then his deep voice, which she had always found like the sound of rolling waves in the ocean, came alive."Jaya are you all right, you sound very disturbed to me"he had sensed her pain,"I am disturbed Krisna what do you expect?You appear suddenly and want me to leave my husband to accompany you to Japan, how can you expect such a thing?Krisna had cut her in mid sentence,"Jaya you belong to me you have always belonged to me my love fate was cruel to create that misunderstanding, why should we suffer for what was not our fault."Jaya thought of the day when rumeours of Krisna's marriage had reached her mother. A cousin had come from US and broke the news to her parents, it was always taken for granted that they both would get married. This news had enraged her father and he had immediatly stormed to Krisna's house for explainations, his parents were unable to prove this rumeour wrong and in a fit of rage Jaya's father had agreed to marry her to his classmate's son, Shiv who had admired Jaya secretly and was thrilled to get her as a wife. Shiv was highly qualified and very handsome, her parents had emotionally worn her out in those weak moments and in a daze she had walked the seven rounds around the sacred fire,when Shiv had applied red 'sindur' to her head and when he had tied the gold 'mangalsutra around her neck she did not remember. She had found her husband a very balancd and kind man.Jaya had come back to present with a start as she heard Krisna's worried voice"Jaya...Jaya..are you there, are you not feeling well little one."Today Jaya had to tell him that she could not destroy a life which had nothing to do with their mistakes."Krisna i request you, forget me i am married now, i belong to Shiv and he should not suffer for our love, go join your new posting, time will heal us of this Krisna."There was silence again on the other end,"you will come to me Jaya take your time, you do not belong any where, but by me and your heart will drag you back to me."Jaya was quiet, she did not know what to say"You know Krisna how weak i am and how you have absolute control over my heart, have mercy on me, i have loved you with all i had and now i don't have anything to give, i am myself a hollow shell Krisna."She wiped a tear from her cheek,"have mercy my Krisna"she had sobbed and he had felt his heart tearing."I will call you later Jayu you lie down you are not well right now, i should not have surprised you in the morning."He waited for her to switch off as he gently kissed her bye. Jaya looked out of the window, sun was setting against green branches of mango tree, birds were returning to their nests was it time for her to return to her soul, her Krisna?........To be contd.....

Its raining!Poppy flower! Rain

Here it has been raining since yesterday its become cold again as temperatures dip. The chill has returned in the wind. The flowers i have photoographed for you are all wet good that i took pictures yesterday. So submitted a topic today finally-Ecological degradation of Himalayas. This will cover a wide range of topics, meaning a lot of research to be done. I have been getting many comments and messages for the story and i feel very happy whn i see my friends are liking it. I am in a fix though, now what to do its difficult, the lady has to take a decision what should be this decision? Even i do not know, when i start writing it is as if these characters speak to me and i write what they tell me. Still ill have to put a little thought as now we have reached a crossroads lol.


Drops on deep green petals dance

wet brown barks tells of days gone

Wind whispers lovers' songs

One such a mysterious night,

river had murmered a secret to me

Of mountains and moon,

Of clouds and deep vallies,

Of how in a blue magical night,

A river became ocean

And as the rain falls,

It speaks of ancient rythms

Of times gone and times to come

And of a time when ocean shall be river again.

Dance to this! Another beauty!

Dance to Bananza by Akon i am dancing to this right now 'lovely' ,shake your body like a belly dancer' wow ! i like it! cardio fr all seasons. I played Badminton today after ages with my son.

Oh! My God i cant resist sharing this one!

My fave song is 'i can't help falling in love with you' from UB40and here i cant resist showing you this lovely, heavenly flower bunch. As i was trying to take this picture sometimes i would go too close and the results were hazy then from a distance the dazzling colours came alive."A thing of beauty is a joy for ever."
A funny passage from my old diary-"Spring breeze is mild, leaves are dancing to its tune. Near the Tennis courts, on the cement bench we sit staring at the silent streach of land. Leaves crumble under our feet as Smita, my friend shifts closer, resting her head on my lap. Her hair reflect the orange glow of setting sun. Time is standing still, yellow-brown leaves are creating a dull brown whirl pool. I murmer to my self about a feeling that i have been through this experience before. Deja vu? This was age of absolute innocence. And a strong feeling builds up that time has stood still at this moment and the innocence of moment would never be with us again.
Oh God such beauty!SEE!


Sky is gray today with dreamy clouds

Grass turns dark, bright, then dark again

A bright poppy stands drooping

Like a thought forming in my mind

Who has coloured these dahelias so bright?

And sweet peas in colours of my dreams

Colours come into my heart and stay

Making my days sweet and my nights wine!

Another pic!

See the colours, the texture and the contrast what brilliance of mother nature can we ever reach or touch its farthest periferri? These are sweet peas with mild fragrance my favourate since my childhood, a kid used to get it every day for the class teacher and when the teacher would leave them on desk i would pick them up and take them home holding the bunch close to my nose all the way. At home i would put them carfully in a vase. See the colours so soft-pink, violet, maroon, deep blue!

Wow lovely flowers! Look!

Today i clicked beautiful flowers for you and i feel so happy to share these pics with my friends! Today i also decided the three topics on which i can put my thesis

1. Waste management in Himalayas

2. Degradation due to tourism in Himalayas

3. Deforestation in Himalayas

I think deforestation is most important among these, what do you say the root cause of all environmental problems. Also today i will stick first essay in the dummy for the Anthology. Yesterday i did a lot of reading and thought a scandalous beginning of the Mythology related facts will generate curiosity among readers, what do you say? It is that Sita the wife of Lord Rama who was abducted by Ravana, the deamon, was actually Ravana's daughter who was abandoned by Ravana's queen Mandodari as she concieved her in absence of her husband. So this becomes a case of infatuation of a father unknowingly for his own blood!This is a very less known theory let me put it to the publisher. Today weather here is so beautiful flowers are in full bloom and sunlight is indirect. The green looks so beautiful in indirect light. I feel like writing endlessly, today i made elaboate lunch and preprations for a very complex dish for tomorrow. Kids are busy playing and i wish you friend were here i would have made fragrant tea for you with nice pakoras, remember? the recipie lol. How i miss having a child like neighbour who could share my excitement when i see the bright colours of flowers, the bees, the buterflies. How i miss Anita. At least you friends are there to share all this or i would be so lonely. See the flowers now, and take care!

Story contd.....

Jaya felt the rough bark of Neem tree as her nails dug deep into the bark, her soft hands getting bruised as she was mindlessly hurting herself. She wiped her eyes with her shawl and tried to steady herself, slowly she moved like a lifeless robot and plucked basil leaves for the tea. She came into the kitchen, putting water for boiling lost in her thoughts he leaned too close to the fire and one long strand of her hair caught fire. She laughed at this, a sad little laugh, the way hair curled into gray ashes made her numb to her own mental agony for a while. "jaya,"her thoughts were shattered, "are you getting my tea or do i come to the kitchen to help you,"She had almost dropped the expensive china she was pouring the fragrant brew into. "Yes,a moment, i was just waiting for the newspaper Shiv,"She had lied in a shaky voice. As soon as she had place the tray on the side table Shiv had pulled her in his strong embrace, she was shaking as she placed her forehead on his shoulder."Jaya, are you feeling allright, you are shivering,"he had caressed her hair asking her."Just one of those days Shiv,migrane maybe,"she muffled her voice in his chest not wanting to look into his honest eyes. He pressed her head gently as she snuggled next to him in their bed. She had drifted to a numb sleep when she heard Shiv tell her that he was leaving for office and that he would be late tonight. He had kissed her gently on her fore head and left. There had been such days when in fever she had sensed the world drift in and out of her perception. The maid had come and left she had dragged her self to the bath,shower had made her a little more alert. She had worn a new bright green silk saree which Shiv had got her. She had forced herself to apply her favourate lipstic, her precious perfume to feel alive. Her hand was unstable as she applied the red 'bindi,'mark of a married Hindu woman' on her forehead. Her mind she tried to fill with mantras that usually calmed her, today they were useless. She tried to play the Piano but found her self sobbing on the keys. Today she felt dead inside. She was forcing her self to feel something but she knew she wanted her senses to be numb, but for how long she did not be contd.


Whole day streaches before me lots of morning work done which is cooking, cleaning, washing clothes and pushing kid out of house to school. A lots of other work remains reading for thesis and anthology. I have washed lots of fruits today and put them in a bowl. I was reading my old diaries and so many times i cannot relate to what i was when i was young. I do a few exercises every day, first i have fresh lime and honey in warm water than i do 'kapalbhati', a breathing exercise. After this i do'Surya-namaskara,'which litrally means salutations to Sun, this is a set of exercises which are complete in themselves. I n between i am making tea cooking lunch and doing errands. Now i put on music and dance usually dance music my fave is Shakira and Rihanna's 'unfaithful'. In the evenings i jog and try to keep a gap of 3 hours between my slep and dinner, i used to play Tennis and Badminton but i have no partners here. Summers ill be swimming again i am already waiting for that I will now try to write the story, ive put a romantic song for this lol

Lovely Weather! Heal me!

Its beautifulweather here neither too cold nor warm. Today i will start creating a dummy Anthology this is a part of creating an Anthology. To see how the book will look when all material is placed as i have arranged it. My little one is so excited to start her school, I have deliberately taught her just mother tongue so that she is not confused. Now she will start with English in School. Clouds parted and sun rays streak through, soon i will go out to get vegetables. So i rushed to get vegetables fortunately some veggies were there and while returning with bags what i see. My daughter on her bicycle coming towards me leaving the house open, what to do these kids do the opposite of what i tell them to do. I have started enjoying writing story for you friends what gives joy to you gives joy to me.

Heal me!

Heal me of wounds time gave me

Today heal me of all the hurts

Make me whole like never before

Let me feel each wound close its gaping mouth

Let me feel the pain drift away

Let it rain love tonight

Let it rain the comfort of your arms

Hold each of my dreams in your hands

Lick each tear off my face

Take away all the pain i carry

Let me be born again

In your eyes, in your soul

For once let it rain your love tonight!

Story contd......

Jaya had tossed and turned in bed all night and as the birds began chirping on the tree near the window she got up. It was still dark and the winter chill was yet to leave, the breeze from the window made her shiver. She draped a woolen shawl on her shoulders and made her way to the garden. Like all days she was plucking basil leaves for the first morning tea, she heard some sound or was it her imagination. She turned around to a dark silhouette only to find herself struggling against familiar scent of her Krisna. There was no sense of time as she broke into sobs as he cradled her, speaking what, she could not make out. Her body had no will of its own, it lay lifeless in his arms as if all lifeforce was drawn out of her and merged with his. Parijaat -orange stemmed snow white fragrant flowers were floating down. She lay on his lap as she opened her red tearstained eyes, she could at last hear him speaking softly, he was smiling. "Are you ready my Jayu, ready to come with me," Jaya had ignored his voice, his question, she did not want this dream to break. She turned her face to hide in his warm chest as the sky started to turn gray."You dont answer me, tell me that you are ready Jayu and all will be fine, i am here now."Jaya had whispered something and was drawn into deep sleep against softness of his tweed coat. A sleep that was like a sleep of a million years deep, peaceful, he did not have a heart to wake her up. As the first orange rays tinted her curly hair in a coppery hue, he streached his hand to a near by canna bush and plucked a yellow flwer. They had sucked the sweet necter of these flowers as they had returned from school together, remembering this a faint smile touched his lips. He squeezed its stem and a drop of necter oozed out, her lips were dry he let this drop fall on her lips. Jaya felt the cool touch of necter on her mouth and slowly opened her eyes. She had fear in her eyes as she held him close as if he was a mist that would slip away."I am for real Jayu" he was laughing now"look up see, i had promised now i have come."She had come to her senses then, basil leaves were strewn near by she looked at the door and then at Krisna. "My god Krisna, you are here ,really here, go now its late.... go Krisna see i am married, look at this mangal sutra, you are not to be here go. She was shaking and confused at what she saw. Krisna was still looking at her, still, like a granite rock, his eyes moist in his handsome face. He came near shrinking Jaya and stilled her in his arms"think Jaya, dont be scared think and tell me when do i come for you"he released her then turning her face up"and dont panic think with your head my little one ,i will leave now you go in ,you are cold. "He had kissed her fore head and turned away disappearing into the fog beyond the wooden gate as Jaya stood with her back against neem tree trunk, shivering tears in her huge eyes not sure if she was still asleep or awake.........To be contd

GOOD news!

No i am not pregnant lol but my daughter got admission in the best school in Delhi which is my son's school also. She will start the session in March, so finally both my kids will be going to school. I will be more free and already my free time has been booked by my friend and a well known writer. I saw a young girl today maybe sixteen, and i was struck by the freshness of her appearance. She looked like cream and peaches and so innocent i was taken back to a time when we roamed the campus where we lived in school skirts, so free and like butterflies. Times were so beautiful we would read Mills and Boon and giggle underlining the passages with romantic dialogs, though that time i was a die hard Sydney Sheldon fan and If Tomorrow comes was my favourate novel, i still like it. We would imagine what a guy thought about whom and make speculations all day long(can we afford to do it now with cleaning, cooking, howling kids lol) . When we sat to study for our graduation exams we would play music and half of the time daydream instead of drawing diagrams. I did a mistake though i had got admission for Graduation in one of the best Agricultural Universities in the world but i was not allowed to join it that i regret even today. Its fine now as i am at least studying my favourate subject Ecology and Environment. Its so wonderful to see you know your lives and see your comments. Mr Herb master all of my 360 friends are welcome to celebrate 'holi' in my lawns, please come all are welcome. Thanks for your comments and soon maybe tomorrow the next part of the story and yes i think my thesis would be on Deforestation of Himalayas. Is it ok?

A Thought!

A thought in my heart
rose like green sap
like a little bubble surfacing
It expanded and enveloped me
And valleys and mountains
all danced in my dreams
cosmos sailed all around me
Galaxies dazzled in your eyes
midnight blue of deep skies
White of Jasmine is colour of your soul
I do not know why you make me whole

A festival of colours

In spring season when the harshness of winters is replaced by mildness of coming summers, its time for celebrations. In India this is a big festival when harvests are over and all around spring spreads its green bed spread . The flowers in bright colours nod in the gentle breeze sun is teasing through white fluffy cotton like clouds. Long back when the civilisation was mainly agriculture dependent, such periods of rest were celebrated. In 'holi' of today there are coloured powders in as many colours as you can imagine. There is also colour that is mixed in water and then we run after people to empty the bucket of coloured water on their heads. A lot of forced colouring goes on men take advantage and some liberties with woman whom they can admire from far lol. Today is their feild day, to feel the cheeks dunk all they can get their hands upon in coloured water. A lot of alcohol is around and a special drink in curd fragrant with cardmom and marjuana leaves. Once my husbands course mate forced us to drink this ' bhang' -marjuana drink though it is very mild but after a few drinks i could not stop laughing and all world looked hazy and bright and i laughed on and on till i slept. So its a funfilled festival for the young people and on this day you are to forgive all your enemies and hug them. A lots of very delicious sweets are prepared for the festival, i too make some nice ones at home. Kids have a blast on 'holi' as they make teams and bombard each other with baloons filled with water. Its a lovely festival and the sights and smells of 'holi' are intoxicating. Another nice painting!

Today it was hectic Today it was hectic

Morning i had gone to meditation centre after preparing lunch. Got picked up from there by husband to go to an official party-Technical Officer's get together, a big affair. All the retired officers, senior officers and younger Electrical and Mechanical Engineers were there. An elaborate arrangement for lunch and a tarrot reader who answered one question after other.

Whole day the men drank as if there would not be another day!There was bloody mary and once i have had a very bad experience with this drink so though i like the taste i steered clear of this vice. And ofcourse meditating in the morning and drinking in the noon do not jel, i smoked mint hookah though. I am as usual first one to try any thing so after me other ladies tried there smoking skills, it turned out i was a natural smoker, just joking.

This over i had to go to a writer and publisher who piled me with loads of freelance work and i was already fearng of how my blogging would suffer now that i gad so much back log to clear. I alredy find myself thinking shortcuts to deadlines, addiction lol. There are drug addicts and there are blog addicts now i am also puzzled by this short story , lol i am writing first of all is it a short story? The characters are now having their own lives and i just drag along writing their dialogs. I will have to see though if our lady is a practicle one or a romantic blind to mundane matters. Ill try to bring it to an end soon its getting tiring now though my lady friends enjoy it.

Its night here and my little daughter is on my lap as i type this she now always climbs up when she sees i am making a blog entry. How soothing and relaxing it is to write to you all friends about my days i am a writer and if you wish can write on topics you like. As you are my friends i want to write what you like to read-Poems. articles on New age medicine or stories tell me i will write that for you or do you want to read my boring answers for my Ecology exams any thing, till you tell me suffer my cribbing and short(long)stories.

Yester day when we had gone to the zoo my son asks mamma why are males prettier in animals and females in humans lol. Question no 2. Why males dance in animals(he had seen a peacock dancing)and women dance in humans? What do i answer to this?

Moral of the story -go to the zoo with an Encyclopedia!

Nice painting see!

A Stormy Afternoon Story contd....

....The days when aroma of mother's cooking would blend with the heady spring breeze and Jaya would run across the courtyard bringing this or that ingredient for mother's pickles. In one of these fragrant days she discovered she was slowly bcoming a woman and Krisna a man. It was the festival of 'holi', when she was putting colours in water buckets, her friends would soon join her and they would douse each other with colours. The dry 'gulal' and coloured water would make them red, green, blue and yellow. She had mixed strong colours and smeared her palms to colour her Krisna's face black, she smiled inwardly as she looked at her hands. She was just getting up to go in and change when two strong hands crept up and closed over her eyes as she tried to free herself she herd the familiar laugh, it was Krisna. She tried to bite his arms to release herself but something in the embrace was different today as she stiffened to his touch. What had changed in this childhood friendship she could not undertand as sensing her discomfort Krisna released her. "Whats wrong with you Krisna, see what you have done to my dress, cant you see i had to change?,"Krisna was confused what had changed so suddenly?He stood there frozen colour in her hands not knowing how to react "listen Jaya its holi or you have forgotten, you will not play holi with me today?" Jaya had diappeared into the study and stayed away with her girl friends throughout the day. After this they had accepted that their childhood days were over and they were bonding differently now. To people around they had remained same, two naughty kids playing togather, inseperable. To them the world had changed and Jaya had never forgotton his nervous touch on her sixteenth birthday as he had hooked her dress from behind. They had never questioned this love, it was as if it had always been there. The long scorching noons were soothing to them as they met in garden, she bare foot waiting for him to come. In the shade of mango tree he would rest his head on her lap and world would be lost to them as cuckoo bird's sweet song floated on the warm air. A tear traced its way down her cheek as she came back from her dreamy state, to her bed, beside her sleeping husband, Shiv was smiling in sleep. She had also smiled a sad smile and asked him in a whisper,"tell me,what do i do Shiv he is coming back for me you hear...he is coming back." To be continued....

Hi a beautiful day!

We are going to the zoo and its warm and sunny here perfect weather for kids to play and enjoy. See another pic of my darling Jayani isnt she cute? What you guys do on weekends tell me as i am short of ideas only one thing is fixed that is my meditation centre trip and 3 hours meditation there on Sunday which is absolute bliss. Take care all of you and have a lovely weekend.

Alternative Medical Science

Today i had a splitting headache since morning and had to do an Ayurvedic procedure to get cured. There was a lot of acid in my stomach and when this occurs Kunjal is dne. I n Kunjal you drink slightly warm water. I drink 2.5 litre water at a time adding a little salt to it and keep on drinking till i cant drink any more. Once i am uncomfortable i bend placing left hand at the back and take out the water. I have to put my fingers in my throat and forcibly vomit out the water.It may sound yucky but the relief it gives when you are low on energy is tremendous. What happens is that all toxins which had accumulated during past days due to eating of processed food and artificial chemicals in foods come out. These toxins keep on adding in our system and produce"ama"that is the word for toxicity in Aurveda. When this poison is not thrown out perodically by detoxification by various methods it leads to illness. I f we are careful about eating more fresh and less processed food it helps the body fight stress and infections. On the other hand if we keep on overloading the body with toxins like alcohol and acidic cold drinks, one stage comes when the body can take it no more and breaks down creating some chronic illness. There are physical and mind -body connections to all diseases, the purely physical reasons can be ruld out by a little sffort on our side to avoid pain and misery in old age when the energy is low and the repair mechanism of the body has detoriated.

Look at my Guru's picture and become thoughtless

Just see her 'bindi', red spot on her forehead and say-mother give me my selfrealisation. and see what happens. Try it once your system will open and Kunadalini rise. Please friends try i want you to feel what i feel.


Today i talk of a little complex subjects of subtle system, i have talked of Kundalini and its ascent. Now about what this rare book says on the subject of this sacred science of - The Serpent Power by Sir John Woodroffe.

The Indian schools believe that the heart was considered to be the seat of the waking consciousness. The heart expands during waking, and contracts in sleep. Into it, during dreaming sleep, the external senses ar withdrawn, though the representative faculty is awake;until in dreamless sleep, it is also withdrawn. There are 72,000 Nadis;the entry and exit of the Prana or life force is through the Brama Randhra(above the foramen of Monro and middle commissure); and upbreathing through one of the nadis. The reference to Brahma -randhra and the one nerve imply the cerebro-spinal axis with its Sushumna, through which the prana passes to the Brahma -randhra; for which reason, apparently, the Susumn iself is referred to in Siva samhita as Brahma- rndhra. Liberation is finally effected by knowledge which as the ancient Aitareya-Aranyaka says is Brahman. The Hamsa Upanisad opens with the statement that the knowledge therein contained should be communicated only to the Brahmchari of peaceful mind(santa), self-controlled and devoted to the guru.

I want to state here that once the system opens up theentire process of ascent of Kundalni is so spontaneous and beautiful that its like a dreamy blissfull state. Once you touch deep thoughtlessness there is so much joy at this state that again and again you want to sit in meditation and attain the state. Sometimes external attractions do spoil the depth and the magnatism of the meditation but if it has set in again you come back to the beauty of silenced mind and fully opened up soul,. Like a lotus in full bloom you feel each petal open and the heart fills with milky sweetness. It is as if whole being is being sucked into some other plane of absolute comfort and different senses and different sensed feelings. See i am not able to explain lol as no words are enough to say what i felt today while meditating. Try it its absolute bliss!

Lovely Day

People have moved in Anita's house and i feel .... uncomfortable. I caught movie White Chicks, a slapstick comedy but worth a watch. I was laughing while chopping vegetables. Multi tasking is my speciallity. Yesterday i also got very important inputs for my thesis and as my work increases my blogging might reduce but i sware i dont want to miss a single news from you people my lovely friends. I find myself getting emotionally attached to you all and wish we were neighbours. Much to my husband's irritation i stick to posting my blog entries. My reason, ill have to start writing again and i am brushing up my writing all lies lol. All the time i am checking the hits and jumping up and down when there is substantial increase, you know it is a joy like kids have when they play house-house. My friend like Becky, such an intelligent woman add to my perspective. I sometimes think i am overburdened but when i see her i feel i am doing nothing compared to her. So it is definitely broadning my horizons. My mind, and soul are getting sorted out as i pour out my thoughts. People whom i would have never met are so close that i can ask them, see this is what i am facing what to do? I had started this to type out old poems from my diaries but it turned out to be Alice in wonderland exercise for me. I want to share all that can add to some one's life and all that might make someone smile. Ive learned from some beautifully written blogs how perfectly things are written, a joy to a reading addict like me. Some lessons i have learned some yet to learn but each day this reading of your lives enriches me beyond words can express and each day i can see the futility of seperate identities of human race, we are one and capable of loving and accepting each other as we are, once in a while when i am angry i speak of politics but bear with me. Its only temporary phase and it passes lol. Thats angry me reacting but i know my wonderful friends understand and forive me for such silly biased out look, yes i know its biased. I f some days i am not here then my net is down so be with me in spirit as i cant survive without friends. I pray for all of you and ask for blessings for your hppiness. I got sentimental today lol weepy -weepy, sob-sob. and as i do my morning yoga i was trying to touch the ground here, later lol Take care my best friends!

Me again!

Some times being with children makes us beautiful inside as they have no guile , no pretenses. This has always been my way of de-stressing what is yours let me know. When you feel life is confusing and peace is lacking read Khalil Gibran. You will see how unimportant all our brooding is and how important it is, to love and enjoy our blessings, greatest of all is a child, so when depressed lift a child in your arms and feel all negativity drain away. Or smell a flower and become thoughtless, drawn deep into its colours.Try it!

This is me

The real me the way i am through the day all the time.Today i got 15 kgs of vegetable all by myself carrying the bags while my younger one howled. She wanted a lolipop so i had to put down the bags , go to the shop and ask for a This is life for me, today later in the day i will be going out for my work. When i am talking of dressing up or being like a dog(me) let me tell you i too indulge in some scrubbing up once n a while. Ladies there a good tip, if you have fresh lime and salt dont go for a pedicure or manicure. Do this cut the lime into half and dip in salt and make ur hands shine with this lol.

Try using dry henna in curd and a spoon of coffee mixed with an egg, apply this to your hair and keep for 2 hours or less or more as you desire. Wash with water and shampoo if you have to go out or just with water if you don have to and wash the next day with shampoo and see the silk glimmer.

Take chick pea flour and (curd )for oily and (milk) for dry skin and add turmeric 1 tbs to this apply on face and let it dry , now gently in circular movements apply rose water and remove this when cleaned apply milk cream or light moisturiser. All this works wonders after 30 try it all are my own tips and tell me if they work for you!

Me going to wedding

Yes more of my sarees here i wear a Pochamplli pure silk saree with henna pattern on my hand and yes mandatory makeup for the wedding . I think i look like a clown with eye shadow and rouge its not me, definately not me! see.

Keanu Reeves

Look how cute he is my fave actor i love his stunts and his looks. In tenth grade i was crazy about Tom Cruise and his Top Gun but now i love Keanu in Constantine. I am dancing to Shakira's My hips dont lie join me for some fun and tell me isnt he cool girls?

I feel happy and free! Me with Animesh today

I got the appointment with environment Minister and i am going to get data for my thesis on the degradation of Himalayas tomorrow. Great and i feel so good about my self so worthy of happiness and enjoying life. I am going to shop today yippie!

I Believe

I believe in love as i believe in this breath

filling in breathed out

only some times as i see

hungry bellies and jaded souls

i question the source of all

i question the nature of love

i question its presence

And then again as i see

a new born at a mother's breast

i know there is love

unconditional, in abundance

As in desert the oasis comes up

As on a bud dew develops

A little depth if i attain

mists will lift and clouds part

Love you will stand stark naked in my gaze

And finally i shall understand

May be i will understand

And say no more

What is love ?

And where is love?

Had gone to see beating retreat

"beating retreat" is a centuries old military tradition dating from the days when troops disengaged from battle at sunset. As soon as the Bugles sounded the retreat the troops ceased fighting, sheathed their arms and withdrew from the battlefield. It is for this reason that the custom of standing still during the sounding of retreat has been retained to this day. Colours and standards are cased and flags lowered at retreat. Drum beats are relic of the days when the troops, billeted in towns and cities, were recalled to their quarters at the appointed time in the evening. Based on these military traditions, the ceremony of beating retreat creates a good mood of nostalgia for the times gone by.

When i see state of Afghanistani people it makes me question the injustice meted out to these poor people. First US used this country against Russia tearing it apart creating war lords and now the civil wars rip apart the country as the arsenals gifted by US are used to kill each other. The dictators of past like Hitler at least owened up the atrocities but today as the US bullies the world and creates mass casualties, the funny bit is-it potrays itself as global messiah. The story is same every where but polarisation has started and marginalising Muslims will have drastic outcomes as the religion produces best warriors who fight with death as their aim. The conditioning of achieving jannat or heaven on dying for the religious cause makes them formidable. No technology can counter human passion for destruction and as i am absolutely against any form of violence the policies of "world's one and onlySuper power"are grossly off mark. What happened to twin towers was just the tip of ice berg, if the supression instead of pulling into the mainstream of underprivilaged continues, there will be unprecedented out -bursts and rebellion.

Now my evening at the function-It was fun as Diplomats, Defence people and President, Prime Minister all were there, India has a Sikh Prime Minister, A Muslim President and an Italian lady Mrs Sonia Gandhi as the President of the ruling party. What can be more secular? Men in uniform looked so smart and there were very alert black cat commandoes too. My grand father was a freedom fighter and the British could never catch him, he came dressed as woman when my father his first child was born. He was a feared man in British Raj, pure Aryan blood of warrior tribes comes down our blood line though i come from a Brahman family mostly people from hills are warriors with hot-hot blood . Coffins arrive every day from Indo- Pak border at Sichin and by gifting Pakistan nuclear bomb for services it renders America has created a very unstable equatoin. Pakistan is a rogue Nation which is there to monitor on Russia and India for American intelligence. Now as the Islamic fundamentalism increases this stooge too shall back fire like it happened in Afghanistan wait and watch Unce Sam as millons of terrorists are created in madrasas of Pakistan.

A friend is betrayed!

Today i tell you of a very beautiful woman, she is my childhood friend and very close to my heart. She is highly qualified a P. hd in organic Chemistry, she would have been a happy woman. She is not, her only fault she believed in love and against all odds married her childhood sweetheart. For this marriage she suffered hell from her parents and her inlaw, beaten, locked in and tortured. She came in my dream one day before her marriage "Rina please save me i am dying," i called her to find her in very bad state, she marries then, this man who woul be her nemesis. She studies further and now is much more qualified than her partner this is unbearable to male go. Now her miseries begin as she is beaten and threatened by him using her child as a pawn he makes her dance to her every wish. Her money is all his ,she cant spend a little even, see how trapped a woman is- divorce for her is out of question as she will be stigmatised and rediculed in this close knit socity and her parents will not be able to bear this. Now what does this make us think of one of the most hyped up emotion in humans-Love. Its all mind wash i think all false and rubbish, look what love does to you traps you and makes you a miserable fool. Yet people crave for this strange punishment like a bee would go to a flower or iron to a magnet. I tell this friend to break the mans hand when he hits her, die in the process if she has to, but dont take it down silently. All in the name of retarded emotion called Love. Still i think we should Love three things ourselves, children(for selfish reason that they suck our negativity)and flowers , for these things too take our negativity. Now as i hold my friends tear stained face and hug her stroking her back tell me did she ever needed to look for this destruction called love in the first place, on a more philosophical note love is within us and we have to connect inwards than look for this mirage outside. Projecting our need or expectation on another will always bring in misery and that misery has a name- Love. So be ware of this devastating emotion its not for sane beings who want to survive life.

Happy thoughts

So lets end the day with beautiful thoughts


I feel blessings rain with sunshine

Alive to sense this earth

Alive to sense the pain

Am your thought creator

Worhy of being your creation

I feel blessings rain with moonlight

Anita and me!

When I had come back from my meditation center on Sunday you had made my kids wear fancy dresses and painted their faces . How we had loved the gardens and flowers together. Now sadly no one to share these simple joys.

My Anita

Anita was my neighbour we knew each other for eight months but felt as we had always known each other. She was an interior designer with highly developed aesthetic sense. We would aimlessly wander about admiring shapes of leaves, branching in tree, a new moon and one of us would yell,oh see this beauty! I miss her so much, her husband is an aviator and they got transferred out. When my son fell hard cutting his chin doing skating in the mess, it was Anita and her husband with me at the doctor's place getting him stitched up. When my father in law passed away this year she managed the whole arrangement with me. She was like an elder sister i never had, so beautifull. When she would come and sit on my bed i always told her it was as if my whole room got lit up with the light from her eyes. When i would go to a party she would tie my saree scolding me while i laughed. She would ask me to take care of myself saying if other women had same things they would be making use of them in much better way lol Anita i miss you darling. When i would pass by her kitchen she would force me in and make me eat the breakfast she had made and she was a lovely cook. Sometimes you try to click with some one but fail but some times its so spontaneous as if there was no beginning at all. We would steal plants from other gardens wow what a thing for grown up women to do and giggle like girls when we commented on some one acting smart. Her house was an extention of my home and she a comfortor who would listen to all my cribbing smiling. She wanted me to be smarter and start working full time again, saying"you are the biggest fool ive seen get up smell the coffee,"but Anita only fools like me gt friends like you. God is smart he has made it this way. We both cried when she was leaving as if someone was tearing apart my heart i feel so empty as i see your barren lawn, new people are moving in and i made tea for them as i want my Anita's little lovliness to reflect on them too. Hope we are together soon friend i miss you and turn to this blog every day for my wonderful friends here and their company. Anita dressing up Jayani, my daughter.

Sleeping with dreams

Sleep come to me a necter in jeweled vessle

Sleep come to me a vision in smoky veils

Sleep come to me as i be innocent again

Sleep come to me to remind me of my eternal sleep

Sleep come make me dead to this world

give me dreams of past and future

To make my present rest awhile.


Starry night sky is silent today

gentle breeze fragrant with your breath

colours have all descended on my soul

only sound,throb of my heart

only sight,azure depths of feelings

time stepped on cosmos of thoughts

dreams scattered like pearls on marble

A moment froze in memory of universe

in blood, in flesh,in mind

and in this dance of creation

i thought you were mine

a finite matter mine?

infinite soul mine?

In this dance of creation

illusions were divine

for who is me and who is mine?

Meditation makes me shine!

Hi all of my friends i feel good to be with all of you again, I meditated yesterday did salt water-which is taking (warm)these days, water and putting a fistfull of salt in it. Now i immerse my feet in this water and open my palms i ask my divine mother to take out all negativity from the gross body as wll as the subtle system into this water after 10-15 minutes i throw this water into the drainage.One has to be careful about not throwing this water on plants as this is harmful,and do not touch this water, (bfore pulling your feet out water and wash thus your feet will be washed off the negativity too.)I did this and meditated and my unstable emotional state came back to normal. Today i could do a lot of work and arranging of the Anthology material, mind was sorted out and sharp. Saw the Republic day parade soldiers marching in neat rows, many foreign nationals also enjoying the march. I have some acupressure books and Mr Herb master its written that all points related to glands-Pineal, Pituitary, Thyroid, Thymus, Adrenal and Pancreas. Along with it points for Solar plexus and gonads are to be pressed. I think you can get a wooden acopressure ball and roll it in hand and wrist, this will effect glands and kill your craving for smoking. Thanks alot for your kind words i meditated and here i am happy and myself again God bless all with friends like you all.

I feel so low today!

I am not feeling all right, kind of lost friends sometimes things we do hold a mirror to us and what see is not always pretty. Introspection sometimes sorts out these tangles but like a stubborn little child our infant persona takes over,selfish, seeking attention and throwing tantrums. How and when this overpowers us is difficult to make out,once it starts subsiding then you realise that some supressed feelings had surfaced. In all of us there is an adult, a child and and old person at all stages of life and our needs are based on who we want to be adressed at a particular time. Say i feel hurt and need nursing and someone comes and gives commands to the adult persona will i respond? No. Its like this in every situation when there is less synchronisation between the expectation and the fulfillment or misunderstanding then the whole interpersonal relationship oes for a six. So it should be first clear what is that we want from an interaction. Like if a mother wants a kid to finish his meal she will give clear instructions of what she wants from the kid but when the function of an interaction is not clear it will become tense and give trouble instead of being productive and creating positive vibes it will generate negativity. So maybe we humans need to be very honest while establishing communication and understand the simple basic requirement of a relation. Doing this proceed to fulfill it sincerely. A jok now, two ants come out from a movie hall one says sister im so tired cant walk back home Other-yes sister my feet are also aching,see that dog is coming this way lets do a dog and go home(like lets do a bus and go home)lol not even a straight joke from me today take care and be good. A sad picture for a sad entry.

Reading Carl Sagan

Carl Sagan was Professor of Astronomy and Space Sciences, when I was a kid his Cosmos was telecast ed on T.V. and I was hooked to it. Since then I have read his work with a lot of admiration, his novel 'Contact' made me dream of far off civilizations. As kids when we sat in the class I would look out of the window and at the blue sky and wonder if some where far away alien kids were studying like us. Carl Sagan had a cosmos sailing on the wind as the episode started and when ever I see a cosmos I still run wildly behind it. Carl Sagan is no more his death anniversary was in December. I had cried when I had come to know of his death. He touched so many people igniting the fire of knowledge. I hope he got all his answers now as his soul looks down on our blue earth. Read about him on his site, he was a man we will not forget easily. Dr Carl Sagan, if you can hear me I promise I will contribute to science through this study of Environment I pursue. That said, I feel good. It is as if we owe this man deep gratitude for adding to our knowledge. I feel God should bless each of us enough to add something of value to the humanity before saying our final goodbye, am I right my dearest friend Bluey? Remembering Dr Carl on his tenth death Anniversary, I wish, I was your student Sir. Really, may you be in peace always.

Morning or evening friends!

Yesterday i had deep and beautiful meditation after many days. I think its time to go back into my spiritual mode of existance. I feel all of us have a basic nature,for me since my childhood it was to understand the source of all creation. When my children were born i was all the time wondering how such a complex process goes on inside a mother. There are so many genes so many chromosome but look at the beauty of creation such varity and near perfect state of new born things. There is a little puppy which comes here and plays with my daughter and another younger kid and he saw our black cat. This was so interesting both cat and the dog eyeing each other the dog got curious and moved closer. The cat had its hair all standing and now bared its fangs. Just as the dog with curious expression moved closer the cat snarled and poor dog jumped in the air to land on its back. lol it was so funny still the puppy would not go away and follow the cat from a distance since this incident. Tell me friends in the story do i kill the wife, husband or the lover I am confused!All of you take care and be good!

Story contd...

Jaya was fourteen then and Shiv sixteen, both childhood friends would sneak out in scorching summer noons to nearby mango groves. Jaya would spread her frock and catch the mangoes Shiv dropped from above. When the branches were low she would climb on his shoulders and pluck juicy ripe mangoes. As she lay now on he bed staring at the ceiling the warm fragrance of mango flowers surrounded her. Shiv was already asleep, in moon light the room was bathed in blue light and his straight nose looked so aristrocratic. Jaya cimbed down from the bed. She parted the lace curtains and took a deep breath little white flowers had floated down from the Parijat tree. The tiny white flowers with orange stems, how in early mornings she and Shiv would string these flowers on long twigs and offer these garland to th stone deities. Jaya turned to look at her husband now in another world unaware of the turmoil in her heart. A faint smile touched his bow shaped lips, Jaya left the window and came to his side. In the blue light his black hair were shaded blue. She touched a strand, how peaceful he was in his sleep,she tucked the white sheet around him. Quitely she tiptoed out from the room,once in the kitchen she lit a candle and looked for the letter in the newspaper stack. She pulled out the letter with shaking hands. The blue folds she pressed with her sweaty palms and tore open the envelope, his familiar slanting writing was before her. Tears made her view hazy, as she read"Jaya i am coming back for you, i do not ask you, i take it that we will leave together for Japan which is my next posting. Do i need to say any more, wait for my call and be ready."The letter had ended but her tears continued to fall, "how can i Krisna, is it so easy as this, wait for me?"Jaya burned the letter in the wavering flame of the candle. She tenderly placed the ashes in a small silver box meant for keeping trinkets. Water in the copper jar was cool, she felt the soothing of nerves as she drank direcly from the jar. She crossed the rooms to the bedroom and stood gazing at Shiv, her breath still uneven,her face still moist. She quitely settled herself on her side of the bed hearing his even breating she closed her eyes and let her mind drift to those days.....


The wedding was fun and lots of traditional stuff. The bride was an Engineer, her hubby too an Engineer and a Management person. I was observing people my favourate pass time and i danced alot thats my favourate stress buster. I have also learned classical dance as a kid so rythm excites me. Out side the sun is setting its time for my jog and to take the younger one to the park. Today it was a hectic day i had to stock vegetables and groceries and read the stuff i am working on. I still have to start my second year post graduation studies, i will write next part of the story today for those who like it. All be happy and safe my friend i missed you all. This pic i took on 20th of Jan.

Wedding tomorrow

Yes there is this wedding in the family and i got a little matching done, i got a darkish orange cardigan to go with orange green saree lol,not this one another one. These are my wedding sarees so they are bright normally i wear drab dull colours. Its still cold here 12 degree c chilly wind blows all day. Women at the function were dressed in vibrant colours. Chiffons, georgets,silks and heavy jewelry. I love nice bitter and floral perfumes more than jewelry. Bluey do you put makeup i rarely do as i get rashes if i apply creams.


Me today have a happy weekend!

Me Count Dracula!

My mom called me Count Dracula as i would refuse to comb my hair. I still remember her soft touch on my hair as she made my plait for the school, a firm jerk would make me sit straight, if i moved too much i would get a whack lol see how i look today as i leave for a marriage function!Do i look all right?Today is the music and dance function before the actual wedding on 23rd wish my yahoo 360 friends could join me as bird of a feather......yes....flock together lol you got it right full marks!


I think the new moon got me all crazy what of drowning tied to a rock wow! I had once almost drowned in sea 6 years back my husband, his coursemates our kids were playing on the beach and we had formed a chain only the couples, would jump as the massive waves hit us. Now i knew swimmiming, but i told others see the sea looks sinister, you know the colour was strange deepening electric blue , azure sometimes. These people would not listen as i again told them sea might take a life one of these days. The general mood was of disrespect to nature's tremendous power, and suddenly the sea floor vanished beneath our feet. There was suction,there kind of whirl pool due to the sudden and steep fall in gradient of the sea floor. Oh what it was, i went deep deep deep into algae and blue-green water. Initially i swam but the suction was too powerfull moving the body in direction of the currant. Water had started filling in i came up twice and started remembering the creator, there was no fear just an acceptance. As i chanted Lord Shiva's name as i feel no pain or fear the moment i take this mantra-"Om namah Shivay,"that is i bow to you Shiva, i came up and the sea floor came beneath my feet. I ran to the shore and took out the water. All adults had almost drowned but no one was hurt kids had better sense they were making sand castles on the beach, if kids were with us there would have been casualties. Next day two foreigners, both very strong swimmers lost their lives on the same beach. As i have very bad risk assesment so as a kid too i would do silly things. I dont know how i survive to write all this. The funniest thing is that i actually am curious about death since i was a kid as i always wanted to know what next and i am told wait your time will cme to know till then bore blog people with your theories and assumptions. Do i have the permission lol, be with me friends i may tell you what happens once i become a you know what-one and only Rina -ghost.

Moon lit Night

Have you seen gray clouds on a moonlit night
And wind whispering sweet nothings to midnight flowers
On such a night when i crave absolute silence
Tie a boulder to this body
And let me sink into the blue -green depths
Breath that ties me to this body, be no more
Heart rest now, let the blood turn blue
Then i will surface a new soul
From one depth to another
No more body, not a mind
Just absolute bliss just absolute soul

Continued Story.

Jaya placed the tray on the side table, Shiv picked up the cup of tea without taking his eyes off the screen. As Jaya started to settle on the chair next to him, he pulled her hand and brought her around to sit on the arm of his chair. Jaya sat on the arm draping her free arm around Shiv's shoulders. By now she had gained her composure and focussed her attention on the semi-finals, she her self was college level player. her hair had fallen in curly ripples around her waist and Shiv was coiling one strand playfully around his fingers. As the match ended and players walked past cheering crowd, Shiv turned to Jaya,"how has my little beauty been all day,"he drew her close resting his head on her lap. Jaya felt uncomfortable remembering the letter, she stroked his thick black hair, her delicate fingers removing the tangles in his hair. A quivering smile broke on her tense face, " you had a hard day Shiv,"Shiv turned his face,"ya, that boss of mine is driving me nuts,after 110 percent i give him he wants me to pump up his ego too,i can't do that," Jaya smiled a smile of a new wife who does not know what to make of such complains,"call him for dinner sometime may be he is feeling ignored,"Shiv started laughing his lilting laugh,"you are becoming smart,i can see "he cuddled her closer as she blushed, as he ran his warm hands on her back she was transported to the mango grove where she had stood on her Krisna's shoulders to steal mangoes from a garden.

A Request

Please do not add me to your messenger as i do not chat on net. Today i bought an electric blue kuta with silver embroidry. If you add me to messenger its no use , so please do not add me!

I was at coffee morning!

EVERY ONE WAS DRESSED TO KILL and i had just washed my hair draped a heavy silk saree and without makeup(i hardly use any and today i didnt find my only lipstic) dashed to the party. There was Tai chi and dances i did a game fr the ladies and ppl thought i was looking good? While i was on my way some stupid men made stupid comments like they always do and i felt like slapping them hard!If i had time i would have whacked them. Cant we wear abayas like Muslim women lol. These parties are all British style things some times high tea sometimes coffee mornings. I must say here that India's defence forces are among the best in the world as an Officer here leads from the front and takes the bullet before his men. Here is to Indian Defence forces, we are proud of men who put their life on line for the country!


Thanks Sean!I think you gave my topic a vote global warming and the Himalayas and effect of ARCTIC CHUNK BREAKING OFF LEADING TO WARMING LEADING TO MELTING GLACIERS IN hIMALAYAS WOW! GOOD?Tell me let me build up on this maybe i do a P.hd after this post graduation with u guys helping me all the way. I like to study with you its more fun. Yes Bluey i have written this poem today it came to me just like that and tell me ur views on women being treated shabbily worldover! I was also getting another nice poem in my mind may be tomorrow ill write it have a nice day all of you!

Help Me select a topic!

Hi friends, i need your help! I am doing M.Sc in Ecology and Environment and i have to submit a thesis, before that i have to submit a topic for the thesis. Can you guys suggest some relevant topics on Environment. What i was yhinking is Global warming and the degradation of mountains. I belong to hills so i am obsessed with mountains. Can you suggest some interesting topics which are unusual for my thesis. I will also bore you about the anthology i am doing on Sita, do you know there is an Indonasian Ramayan and Tibetan Ramayan and a Javanese Ramayana apart from the Valmiki Ramayana of India, Sita was betrayed throughout her marriage and humilated to prove her chastity when Ravana , a demon captured her and kept her in Ashok vatika in Sri Lanka. Lord Rama an incarnation of Vishnu fought the mighty Ravana and won her back but then deserted her in forest while she waas pregnant. Its a sad story but tell me women friends is it not true even today that after all women do they are always taken for granted and abused in all socities. Sita is thus contemporary even today and i have to make this book very relevant for today's woman . Tell me thesis topics now im waiting!