Thursday, November 8, 2012

Winter Schooldays

Down with cold, think it will take while before the immune system stabilizes. Remembering Winter school days in junior classes when a hardy rickshaw wala used to seat us with ruthless discipline. He had developed a strong dislike for some kids, I was one of the kids who were commanded to push the rickshaw when it was slow or got stuck in a ditch. Kids used to indulge into heavy politics of reserving the center stuffed raxine seat. A younger brother would spread a towel and fiercely guard it against kids who forced their bottoms against the hands threatening to pinch. Used to be major brawl, next came name calling when kids used imagination wildly to distort names. My maiden name was usual target as Pathak was quiet like phatak, that is the railway crossing barrier but I dreaded worse discoveries. Puruthi became parantha, major harassment went on throughout the ride to school sometimes escalating to throwing of bags that hung precariously on the edges of wooden bench opposite the prized raxine seat. I still remember our rickshaw wala's rugged handsome face vividly. He would makes us run after the rickshaw as a few smarter kids lorded over the stuffed seat and we pushed or hung at the back with feet jammed on the single steel rod just above the back wheels. Extreme frustration led to my sneaking to the school by cycle, was in third grade. He used to wipe off the moisture beads with a rag that he kept under the seat. Children on the wooden bench kicked children on the stuffed seat as there was heavy jealousy. A kid who stayed in the next block, his name was Rajiv Sharma, he would tell us stories where he kicked and tortured lions and tigers and they ran for life, the most amazing part was he made us believe that he rode the Lions when he went back for summer holidays to his grandparents. He would not accept any doubts. The campus where we lived was beautiful, a UNDP aided training center. Vast stretches of wilderness were favourite haunts, often the tearing hurry of escaping after stealing vegetables or climbing across the wall to steal peas from the village nearby led to scraping of knees and wounds. To bypass the scolding and anger from parents, I had befriended the Doctor at the dispensary in hostels. All the kids in the campus had a fierce completion on who would fleece more stamps and coins from the foreigner trainees or instructors in the hostel. The hostel was far from the residential area so a friend of mine Tintu and I latched on to a leaving rickshw for a free ride to the main gate. This guy was funny he said to us now that I have you in my rickshw I will kidnap you and he started paddling furiously. I jumped as the rickshaw hurled towards the main gate scraping knees and elbows against the road, the rickshawala, got scared and my friend was dropped quickly. Going home with these wounds would mean lots of anger and then furious first aid so I headed to the friendly Doctor ad he bandaged the wounds. At home I would cover up with long frocks till an aunt who had seen the whole episode asked my mother about how I was healing. Then she discovered the few scabs. Writing after long but the blog is my space since 2006. Is sometimes good to read the things that came across at times.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Has been on my mind, it was raining outside, I was sixteen and visiting a temple in Ghorakhal. This family had four grown up children, the youngest was elder to me by a few years. She was fond of photography and shared an album with her dressed as Mira, queen, goddess and what ever she fancied. There was this elder sister with her two young girls. We were four I think wandering in the woods when the people I had visited left without me, somewhere I wished this as I was loving the company. The eldest boy was in college and was like a living sculpture, chiseled nose, perfect features. Younger boy was my age and kind of smitten. When we returned after that deliberate wandering I was a bit scared, this was a strange house. I remember we peeled steaming potatoes and the simple lady of the house liked my presence. There was a strange energy there, I could not sleep the entire night. Around midnight I sensed the young girl, younger sister was whispering something to someone, it was her sister's husband and she was fending off his advances saying I would wake up. God that was absolute terror as I stayed wide awake and alert to run, I cursed the moment I had stayed back with these people. Moments crept towards dawn, when I left for home the next morning it was like the biggest relief. I wonder if the family was blind to what was brewing, dunno why but this just surfaced.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

First there were just the cat and the kittens! Then arrived the mamma dog with her litter! Since mamma cat shifted to the home where she gave birth, she has been visiting home. She almost bullies me into following her to the room where her litter were kept, there she shows me the places where they were kept,she avoids the main entrance as the bitch is there with her litter. This routine went on for a few days. Yesterday, the kind Christian lady 'nana' as her grand daughter calls her, shared with me how the black cat reacted to this dog. When nana, was trying to feed some bones to this dog the black cat ran towards the door where the dog was chewing on a bone and slapped the dog. Dog scurried home, I thought some one had hit her but it was the ferocious cat who seems to be really jealous of this dog. Nana told me about her grand daughter overfeeding the cat and yet the cat was trying to maintain her territory in our home! Nana was furious with the roguish cat "this cat is a getting too bold, look she hit the big dog and what's her size, I hit her head lightly after she slapped the dog!" I doubled up laughing. So much politics in these territorial war fares. Most amazing thing is holding there tiny perfect creations in my hand and how they trustingly sleep nestled between fingers. Am stirred as their tiny hearts beat against my hand. Nature creates such perfection in humblest of life forms. It is innocence that opens our hearts and then the love flows, puppies and kittens don't pay us for all the work we do but we are so overwhelmed with love and protective feelings that we do things that we would not do for humans for these little animals. Nana was telling me yesterday that these animals pray with their little minds to God for us when we love them, maybe it's true but for the moment just to hold fresh life in my arms I swab, clean and cook for these little babies. It seems as humans we have this condition-we evolve when we learn to love and keep the love flowing...

Friday, April 13, 2012

I had a strange dream yesterday, a white tiger pounced on me through a window and that was unnerving, later I was sharing my meditation experiences with a saint and questioning what they mean. There are days when there is absolute clarity and then there are days when mind wanders to the past. It makes me think that imbalance and sadness have their roots in past. The moment you step into this trap of asking 'why', there is absolute chaos. Later it snowballs into frustrations, self pity and deep sadness. It is a fact that joy is condensed in this present moment, slipping into the past is painful. Meditation keeps you balanced and in complete joy. There is deep wisdom is leaving everything to divine.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Post Meditation...thoughts

Had a beautiful dream I was near my Guru's feet, my heart enveloped my being. There was such blinding clarity all through the day. I could introspect as each thought arose like a wave and see desires forming, their illusive nature, the futility of the chase. Is really amazing how we are programmed to chase 'things' that draw us into a perpetual mirage. Even in the moments of recognition, human awareness around us closes in and we go back to a constant craving for happiness while it's embedded in our hearts. This might be logical-as when there such complexity and beauty that goes into tiniest cell of this creation it is obvious that tour potential as the most evolved species must be immense, but the deterrence in realizing this are smartly programmed, to keep us busy in the gross and the mundane. The intelligence that has created us and all the living and the intern matter reveals just a glimpse of the whole, those who dwell into the reality of this creation become detached and move completely away from the structure and system humans enjoy and create, away from hierarchy, possessiveness, greed and territorial behaviour. Meditation is becoming more enjoyable with wonderful sensations in the my heart and mind. At spiritual level there are changes manifesting and these are experiences all the humans should enjoy.