Now that most of us are comfortable with each other and we are knowing each other I want to tell you what I feel. There are a few things that I am telling you about myself and asking about your phases of life.
Do you feel detached from all senses at times? I feel so quiet often since my teens I would start sleeping on ground, wear dull clothes which hung on my stick insect like frame. I would eat only boiled vegetables, sprouts and fruits. I do not know what I wanted to prove but I would punish my body. On such quest filled days I would make cuts on the flesh to see how blood flows inside and if I was actually alive. I have a very high threshold of pain so I would see this to sense what I actually was lol. Not that I would gather much but it made me register that I was alive in some dimension.
Even today I feel so much for little children that I feel mad rage when I see people using them, exploiting them. One day I was in a shopping place I saw this beggar woman keep an infant naked on earth and ask for money. I had an urge to go back and bring clothes from house, but I saw this woman would deliberately keep the child naked in cold to seek sympathy. I was so angry I wanted to physically assault this woman. Then to calm myself I thought of karmas of that child. What evil deeds he must have done to get such a mother. My husband says I am on an overdrive but what to do I feel it so strongly. Still when I go to this place I see this woman take off child's clothes and lay the poor creature on earth and I feel impotent.
Some of my friend's mother said that I am very easy to fool as I trust easily but then I would try to act smart. This would make me look even more foolish lol. So I have given up and trust God to take care of me at all times. And I must tell you I have met very nice and helping people so far. My trust keeps negative people away and tells me that its ok to be trusting and not calculating. God never calculates how much Sun we get, how much breeze or how much breath we take. He s so giving so why should we become such misers. So I accept my basic nature and being with you friends reinforces my belief that we can trust and give without looking like a fool to our critics. Tell me your experiences and your doubts.
Today I give
Will you take?
And think not, why i give
Take sunshine from my eyes
And leave a little dream in my heart
Share that pain let it go
Trust in me
Hurts will go
Let us drift past joys and sorrows
Learn a little love and life
Nature gives nurture gives
Then why this doubts in hearts and minds
As I give
Ask no questions
Make no mistake,
When I give
You just take!